Why NO is a complete sentence.
Lessons on dishing out rejection — the healthy way
Left to my natural instincts, I’d be a complete pushover.
That’s the result of a child who is willing to please her parents regardless, and a parent who expects total obedience no matter what. It took me years to realize that total obedience equals people pleaser, and people-pleasing adults suck.
Let’s take a moment to self-reflect.
When last did you tell someone no? I mean reject an offer, turn down a task, refuse to give assistance when you don’t want to? And how did it feel?
If you still struggle with doing any of these (or do it with so much difficulty), remember these lessons when you’re in the same situation next time:
1. Nobody likes a pushover
Saying yes to everything means you don’t have priorities of your own. You become a pushover, and nobody respects that. When you agree to things all the time, you may think everybody like you. But in reality, you cannot please everyone.
Imagine for a minute that none of your co-workers liked you.
Would you still agree to every one of their requests? That’s right. Now take that same energy and keep going, because not everyone cares about you. Learn to keep boundaries and say no when needed.
2. You can change a ‘no’ faster than a ‘yes’
Let’s examine two scenarios:
Scenario 1: Your friend asks you to follow her to a highbrow event and you’re not interested. You say no, then call her up days later that you’ve changed your mind. The event is still two weeks away, you have time to prepare.
Scenario 2: You agree to go for the event, but two days later you tell her you can’t go because the event feels too ‘boujee’ and you don’t want to feel odd. You’ve broken her heart, and now she has just two weeks to find a plus one.
It’s easier to let someone down before they start having expectations. You feel less guilt (most times) and it will be better to communicate a change of mind from a slight disappointment to a pleasant surprise, than the other way round.
3. You save time and mental energy
It’s easier to focus with fewer tasks for better output. Saying yes too often will pile up unnecessary projects on your desk, and you’ll split the same 24 hours tidying up all of them.
Not everyone respects your time. But you do. So save yourself the additional time and strength it takes to do work that you don’t need to do.
4. Saying no releases fake serotonins.
I was tempted to lie and say it does release serotonin, but I can’t prove that. What I can say from experience is it makes you feel lighter in the long-term. When you refuse to do something, there is no additional responsibility attached.
If your boss asks you to do something outside your job description and you say no, you don’t get to do anything. It pushes away unnecessary responsibility, and you can focus on what matters to you.
Thanks for reading! Don’t forget to leave your thoughts in the comments section.
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