How I learned to stop unhealthy comparisons
A letter about understanding and creating your unique wins
I’ve officially completed my MSc. Marketing degree in Ireland.
It has been such an experience — my fellow students I had to work with, the lecturers who made me happy and sometimes pissed, the weather that has both excited and disappointed me, the jobs I’ve had to do to pay my rent (well, this is still ongoing).
Today, I want to talk about an important lesson I’ve learned, and why it matters.
“So what do you want to do after we graduate?”
“I’m going back to China.”
I had this confused look on my face, like, you came all the way to Ireland to study, and you’re going back immediately after? “Why? You don’t like it here? What happened?”
“Well, it’s the weather. It rains a lot in Ireland, and weather has big impact on mood. A lot of people here say they are depressed because of the weather. Also, I don’t like the pay here. With this degree, if I go back to China, I could be paid much more for the same job”.
This was a random Thursday discussion between my course mate and I after a class, in November 2023. Obviously I couldn’t relate, but I respected her decision. We came from different countries, with different objectives, and different currency exchange rates.
She wanted just the degree. I wanted the degree + a novel experience in Ireland’s tech industry. To learn the thought process behind problem solving and critical thinking that is valued in this country. Skills that could not be proved only on paper. That was MY objective.
So, when I got my result this October, I had to remind myself of that objective. I got a 2:1, Second Class Upper, which is an amazing result. But the perfectionist in me couldn’t help but wonder if I could have done better. First Class. Maybe, if I had just put in a little more effort 🤏A million ‘maybes’ in my head.
But since I’m good at introspection, I decided to sit for a few minutes and remind myself where I was when I started this journey a year ago.
I had to quit my job at MTN Nigeria, a wonderful place to work. I obviously missed the people and the work there, which took a toll on me. I came here and had to move my whole life with me — in three boxes. Live with new roommates (I hadn’t lived with anyone else five years prior). Left almost all my friends behind, spent a huge chunk of my savings, and had to start reading for exams again, something I hadn’t done for almost two years.
I remember the days when I sat in the library, trying to finish one project or the other, praying to God that my emotions wouldn’t have their way that day.
I would think: God please let my brain be balanced just for today, so I can complete this one.
My mates told me they admired me because of how I presented in class. I wished all grades were based on presentations because my emotions didn’t creep up when I stood in front of almost 30 people to talk. But when I sat at home, having two days to an assignment deadline, going to work the day before (because who will pay that rent), I battled those intrusive thoughts.
After my introspection, I cried. Not for disappointment. But because DESPITE the loss of my father, the fears, jampacked schedules, Vitamin D deficiency, amygdala hijacks, extremely cold weather, sleepless nights, and sometimes incomplete assignment submissions, I got a 2:1. Only God could do that.
Why am I making you emotional with this letter? I just want you to change your perspective. In that area of your life that you feel left behind, look at all the hoops you’ve had to jump through to get to where you are now.
Some people served with the same circumstances cannot come this far. YOU DID IT!
I’m sure you’re happy for me. But I hope you’re even more happy about your achievements so far, how far you’ve come. Other people you compare yourself with may not have it as hard as you. Some of my classmates who got a First Class didn’t face half the circumstances as me.
Or maybe they did. Still, why should it taint how much I celebrate my own win?
Whatever you’re trying to achieve right now, whatever project you’re working on, take time to appreciate how far you’ve come. We all have different objectives, and as long as you’re still on track to achieve yours, then you’re exactly where you need to be.
My experience in UCC taught me a lot of things that will accelerate my career and personal growth. That was a major objective for me, and a win, that my paper result may not reflect.
This coming week, I hope you identify your wins and capitalize on them. You’ve got this!
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